Doing Hard Things Defined

When my youngest was just one month, I went away with her on a moms get-away. It was wonderful. Minimal responsibilities, a beautiful view of Lake Superior, quality conversation with good friends late into the night, and lots of willing hands to hold my sweet baby and give me a little break!

Late one of those evenings the conversation with a friend I trust, respect and admire turned to aspirations and raising children and, while I can't remember much of what I shared, what I do remember is her saying her approach is to "Do the Hard."

Do the hard. What does that mean? It's another way of saying what we all know: success takes sacrifice. Growth, Goodness, the Highest things demand of us that we must be willing to give up something now for something better later. The Resurrection only comes by way of the Cross. We must eschew comforts to make great gains. Do the Hard.

What are the hard things for me? For quite some time my list has looked a bit like this:

• Praying every morning when I wake up, before I check my phone or do anything else.
• Working out regularly, which includes never letting more than two days go without squeezing a workout into my day.
• Choosing lower carb foods over breads and starches so I can lose 30 pounds. Eek!
• Working on my business goals consistently, instead of when I have the whim and motivation. 
• Homeschooling my kids by lunch time and being consistent in my routines and discipline.

But in light of all the changes, uncertainty and our simplified life at home while we await the Covid-19 pandemic to pass, "what's hard" has shifted for me. I'd still like to lose weight (though I've made progenitors on that one!); I still have business goals; and praying daily is still at the top of my list. But whether I lose that weight won't make or break my happiness. It doesn't change my certainty that I am the Daughter of a King and Father who loves me and has made me just how He wills me. And making a bit of extra income for my family and sharing my voice and abilities with others is still important. But I finally, deep within, know what it is to believe and experience prayer as essential in my life.

Prayer is so foundational that it doesn't seem so hard now. How can I give if I don't first listen to the One from whom all things come? How can I be my best if I don't let Him fill me with His goodness and grace daily? How can I prioritize my goals and responsibilities into right order if I don't invite the Maker and Shaper of the Universe to shape my day? I'm finally appreciating how trivial everything else is without that foundation laid down first.

So where is my focus now? What are "the hard things" I'm working on now? I need to grow in my outward responses/responsibilities. I can do that by 

• Practicing my deep breathing exercises each morning and evening so I can continue to grow in my ability to stop, breathe, reflect (See and Listen) and respond with love, kindness, gentleness and joy. 
• Holding firm to our routines and anchors in our day so that my children can have consistency and predictability. I will say no to the distractions or desires that pull on my head and heart and do the hard and turn my eyes and ears fully to my children when that is my responsibility (and opportunity!) in that moment.
• When my children get squirrely and restless, I can do the hard and find creative ways to continue our school work, perhaps rethinking the worksheet or reading, and finding another way to educate them. I don't need to give in, letting them rule the roost. "I am the mom, and they will obey!"*
• (*Thanks, Marcie Stokman! There's a story that goes with that one.)
• When my children say, "can we, can we, please, please," I can be uncomfortable for a moment and uphold appropriate limits and say no when I mean no rather than give an insincere"sure," to avoid a fight.
• I can pause, breath, and reflect when my children are acting out. As social distancing and our opportunities to interact with others become more scarce, they are bound to get a bit stir crazy! They need me to SEE the needs behind their actions rather than react and discipline only the misbehavior. 
• Turning off the TV and screens in the morning and engaging with my kids directly. An ongoing struggle, but something so essential to my responsibility as a mother and home- schooler is to prioritize our learning.  Resources abound online and on TV, but before all else, I want to connect with my children on a personal and physical level. It's so easy for me to feel the pull to do my own projects, housework or work and want to distract and educate them via screens. But the best learning and growth is what I alone can give my children with my time and attention.
• Lastly, now that I have more time to write, I need to stop letting fear hold me back from writing and posting and just "do it!" I want to use this time to do the hard of stepping outside my fears of rejection and judgment to share my heart with others. Christ can't* work through me if I'm not willing to step outside my comfort zone. (*Well, He probably can, but let's just assume the Holy Spirit would like my willing and full participation! ;) 

Maybe you too, like me for far too long, need to work on your own self -care. Your "do the hard" could be giving yourself permission to take time for prayer in the morning, get a walk in, or sit down to eat your lunch in peace. Maybe you have a young children at home and your "Do the hard" is teaching them how to do chores rather than doing it all yourself. Maybe it's putting in the the efforts to sit down together as a family for breakfast or dinner.

The list goes on ... and is unique to each of us, but whatever your "hard" is, it truly is worth doing! "Do The Hard." It's not so novel, but somehow it has stuck. Remember friends, we are never alone and if we unite our moments with the Lord, His grace is sufficient and we can bring Him great glory (and reap the blessings of great peace within) by uniting our duties of the present moment to Him. We can do hard things. With God, all things are possible!

Tell me, what paradigms or mottoes do you use that keep you on track for your goals/ambitions/daily responsibilities? What are your "hard things" that you choose to do for a greater good? What are the trade offs?